Day 1: A great night's sleep


  As we finish watching our favorite television shows, "I can't believe I was able to stay awake for 3 hour long shows!"
" I know!" said Bill. "do you want more tea?  I am making myself another cup of coffee."
"no, I am going to go to bed.  You can put on another show, I will watch it from the room" I make my way to the bathroom to get my homemade cream that has lavender and coconut oil.  I have to remember to order more of the lotion that helped with my back!  I post a note to myself on my phone, let's hope I can remember to check it.  I can't find my socks so I have to wear Bill's.  I just need to oil to not get all over the bed sheets, it's funny because I will have taken them off within 5 minutes of falling asleep.
5 minutes later, I hear Bill turn off the light because I have fallen asleep.
5:30am, Ah, I kicked off all the blankets and now I am cold.  WOW, the kids have not come in yet?! they must have been extremely tired!  Let me close my eyes a bit more because the alarm is going to ring by 6:00.  6;15 and I slept through the first alarm.  I am going to get up so  I can stop and get myself some breakfast, i deserve it today!  After I get myself dressed, I go and kiss the girls goodbye and snuggle for a few minutes before my 7:25 alarm rings to be out of the house.  OH wow, I beat the clock!!  That doesn't happen much.
OH, not traffic on the expressway...this is going to be a good day if I keep going like this.  Driving up to Dunkin Donuts and there are only 3 cars ahead of me.  I am about 5 minutes away from work and still have 15 minutes to get there ...this is a first...way to go Chris.  Pull away from Dunkin to get in line at Starbucks.  "one bacon gouda sandwich please"
Boy this is so good.  I am glad I was able to make it to both places.  As I walk into school my lovely secretaries are sitting there ready to greet me.  I walk into my classroom and I have 20 minutes to prepare for the day.  I have everything ready to go and by 8:20 we go outside to get the kids.  I sip my coffee throughout the morning, typically it is cold by 11:10 when I can actually enjoy it!  that is ok, for some reason today i am not my typical tired feeling.  I eat lunch then repeat the whole day with my next class.  It is a Tuesday and Franny has piano so Bill has already picked up the girls and gone home.  I stop at the store and pick up some things for dinner.  They are home by 6:30 and we eat.  Franny had finished her homework before piano so i just need to check it.  After dinner, we watch some TV together.  The girls go to sleep then Bill and I watch another show before the night is over and I go to bed again  . a great day start to finish.


Day 2: a Bad nights sleep

It's 9:30, I need to finish this work!  Girls, go to bed!  dammit Bill, can you please stop whistling and lower the damn TV!
I can't concentrate and I have so much to do that I am awake until 12:30!  just like that I am out cold.  OMG, Bill, stop taking the blankets, what time is it? 2:30, ok that was a whole 2 hours of sleep.  turn over and let's try this again.  4:20, Franny, please go to your room, mommy can't sleep with you in the bed.  no, i am scared.  fine.  just be quiet so you don't wake up your sister.  5:15, I am sandwiched between both girls, i can't breathe and i can't move.  I start to swear and yell because I can't even manuever myself to get out of bed.  I take my phone and go to their room.  I stay awake until 5:45 and then zonk out with my phone on my chest.  snooze, snooze, snooze, CRAP! it is 7:15!!  I need to get up and go.  no shower today, take my medicine, where are my keys...

great, 2 minutes late out the door and now I am stuck waiting for 2 commuter trains.  I hate waking up late, that is it, the girls are not allowed in our bed any more!  I am going to have a long talk with them.  as I walk into work, the meeting is going on in the library, in the center of the building, where everyone is staring at me that I am late, I don't care that I am holding a coffee, I had to stop or there is no way I will make it through the day.  My assistant starts to tell me all the things I missed, making me feel like she should be getting my paycheck because I am never there and she feels the need to make it a point to make me feel like a loser...thanks..
we get the kids out of their cars and they are being so loud, "sit down!  sit down"  Oh man this is going to be a looong day!
"I am going out for lunch, does anyone want anything?"  I go get another cup of coffee to get through the rest of the day.  My dad sent me 3 messages that he needs me to fill out papers, I don't know why he can't ask my sister who lives with him.  Oh well.
paperwork is done and I want to go home.  it is 6:30 and my mom asks if i have dinner.  well no mother i don't have dinner because I have been working all day and then i have to come here and do paperwork so no.  no dinner.  so now the girls are screaming that they want to stay for dinner.  fine.
it is 8:20 and we are on our way out the door finally.  as we drive home i tell the girls that mommy doesn't sleep well when you come into our room at night,  you need to stay in your beds.  please.  if i don't sleep well then i am crabby all day and if i lose my job then we are going to be homeless...do you understand.  it all depends on you staying in your bed if we have a home or not!
12:15 a.m...here comes Franny...


1. i relate to the bad day mostly because it is pretty much the norm.  I hate that my day revolves around others all the time!  I hate that my day is good or bad dependent on others' actions as well.  I am more crabby and groggy and just become miserable.
2 i know my adrenals are shot.  my stress is through the roof and most of it centers around my sleep habits.  we have tried many different things to get me to stay asleep and I am finding that although there are more nights where the girls DO NOT come in to my bed those are the nights i don't wake up as much.  my body is mad at me and I can feel it.  my back hurts, i wake up with diarrhea and just am overall sour mood the whole day.
3.  quality sleep is uninterrupted, sleeping through the night or waking only once and waking up before my alarm and being ready to start the day.
4. I worry about my heart.  We know many people that have died in their sleep and i worry about this.  since my girls come into our bed, my thoughts before sleep is to please wake up.  I think i will myself to wake so I know i'm still alive, (weird right?) I know that my body is mad at me.  I am achy and although  I am starting to feel better, i worry about the long term effects of not sleeping well.  i know that weight is an issue with poor sleep, brain fog, then i drink more coffee to offset the tiredness and that makes my heart race so I worry about getting myself back on track to a good night sleep.
we have the sleep number fancy mattress, I use the oils, I take the LDN (when I remember it) and now I decided we are going to make Franny have the adenoids and tonsil surgery because I am convinced she is not sleeping well which wakes her and makes her realize she wants to come to our bed.  Because her sister who doesn't come in our bed each night does not have any concerns. we shall see!